The Day My Butt Went Psycho by Andy Griffiths

Author:Andy Griffiths
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pan Macmillan Australia
Published: 2009-12-31T16:00:00+00:00

Zack bent his knees, cupped his hands and pushed Eleanor up to a ledge created by a large cavernous dimple.

‘Okay,’ said Eleanor, offering Zack her hand. ‘Your turn.’

He grabbed hold of her hand and she pulled him up. The ledge, like the rest of Stenchgantor, was soft and spongy.

Zack followed Eleanor’s lead in using one of the hairs protruding from a wart to swing himself up to the base of the pimple.

The pimple rose smooth and tall into the air like a giant red lava lamp. Zack could see the blood and juices and big round globules of pus that had broken away from the motherlode at the pimple’s summit—all percolating inside the jelly-like exterior that bore a spooky resemblance to a giant cow’s teat.

‘Okay,’ said Eleanor. ‘Now be very careful. We don’t want to puncture it before we get to the top, otherwise it won’t propel us anywhere.’

‘But how can we possibly make it to the top?’ said Zack. ‘There are no footholds or handholds at all.’

‘No problem,’ said Eleanor, opening her arms wide and pressing herself into the pimple. ‘Pimple-climbing is a cinch.’

The pimple gave way to her body like it was made of plasticine. Using just the flat of her palms and her knees to create small indentations she was able to move surprisingly quickly up the pimple.

Zack hesitated.

‘Well, what are you waiting for?’ she called.

‘I don’t know,’ said Zack. ‘I guess I’ve just never hugged a pimple before.’

‘Hurry up,’ said Eleanor. ‘This thing is so ripe it could blow at any moment.’

Zack opened his arms wide and jumped on.

It was surprisingly warm, and easy to climb. As he climbed he could feel the pimple juices squelching and shifting underneath him.

As they got towards the top, the pimple rounded out and sooner than expected, Zack found himself sitting on top of the pus-packed summit with Eleanor.

‘Are you ready?’ said Eleanor.

‘I guess so,’ said Zack.

‘Hold my legs,’ said Eleanor.

She leaned down and wrapped her arms around the pimple, right under where Zack was sitting. She squeezed as hard as she could.

Zack felt the pus underneath him rise up like a big bubble, but it remained trapped in the thin but rubbery pimple skin.

‘It’s not working,’ he said.

Eleanor tried again, grunting with the strain, but the pressure was still not enough.

Zack searched his belt and found the set of sewing needles.

He took the largest and sharpest looking one out.

‘This might help,’ he said, and jabbed the needle into the top of the pimple.

It did help.

SHPLURRRT!

The pimple burst like a geyser of hot molten cheese and Eleanor and Zack went shooting through the air towards the Sea of Bums.

Zack was surprised. Being covered in pus was not pleasant, but it was not nearly as bad as he’d imagined. They flew through the air in a graceful arc. It didn’t take long to reach the coast.

As they got close Zack could see the B-team on the beach below. They had rows of bums lined up on the sand in between long pieces of bumboo.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.